Floridian Explains Why Alligator Alcatraz is Especially Stupid

Cruelty aside, it makes no damn sense.

The road leading to Dade-Collier Training and Transition Airport, the location of Alligator Alcatraz.

When my mother-in-law visits our family, she always flies into Miami International Airport. That means that we have to make the trek from Sarasota to Miami, about a three-hour trip through South Florida and the Everglades.

Now, I love a good road trip, but I HATE going to Miami. It means I have to drive through Alligator Alley, a section of Interstate 75 that transects the state. I have a theory that once people pass the toll booths to access the road, they forget how to drive. Because I hate the road so much, every time we travel to the airport, I exit I-75 and take Tamiami Trail (US 41) through the Everglades. It takes us on a peaceful drive through Big Cypress National Preserve and the Miccosukee Indian Reservation. It also allows me to bypass the tolls.

When I heard that Governor Ron DeSantis was putting an immigration detention center in the Everglades, I was confused. First, preserving the Everglades has always been one of his alleged priorities. Earlier this year, DeSantis requested more authority over the wetlands from the federal government to accelerate environmental restoration in the area. I was also befuddled for two other reasons. First, the area cannot support the traffic, and second, there’s already an immigration detention center in the Everglades.

Let’s talk about the traffic. Remember I said I chose to drive through Big Cypress because it’s a peaceful drive? I’m not kidding. The road that Alligator Alcatraz is located off (and the only route to get to it other than by plane) is only two lanes. Yesterday, I was thinking about the new prison, and it dawned on me that the defunct airport everyone was talking about was the one I’d passed dozens of times on my way through Big Cypress. I didn’t even know the name of the Dade-Collier Training and Transition Airport because it’s just such a nondescript place.

If you blink, you miss it.

Does that look like a road that can support the traffic that this new detention center is going to attract? We are talking about a two-lane “back road” where the speed limit is 60 MPH during the day and 40 MPH at night. You’re probably wondering why the speed limit changes at night.

Well, that’s because in addition to this being an unlit road in the freaking Everglades, it’s also a habitat for one of the most endangered animals in North America: the Florida panther.

Experts believe there are only about 200 Florida panthers left in the wild. That’s up from approximately 30 in the 1970s. Guess what one of the most common killers of Florida panthers is? You guessed it, traffic collisions. Of the 36 panthers that died in 2024, 29 of them were killed by cars.

In fact, if you stop at the Oasis Visitor Center, a couple of miles away from the new prison camp, the National Park Service has a Florida panther taxidermy on display. I asked about it once, and the park employee told me the deceased panther was killed by a vehicle on US 41, my beloved route to the airport.

So, let’s recap: DeSantis, the dude who claims he has prioritized the restoration of the Everglades, built a Joe Arpaio-esque tent camp off a quiet, unlit two-lane road in the middle of the largest Florida panther habitat in the state. CHECK.

Now, on to the second thing that made no sense about the new immigration prison camp. We already have one in the middle of the Everglades. Less than 35 miles down the road from DeSantis’ latest cruelty is the infamous Krome Detention Center.

If this were really about housing inmates, Trump could have just ordered authorities to construct temporary housing on the grounds of Krome or at the Everglades Correctional Center next door. There is plenty of room to do so. And guess what? There are alligators over there, too.

You know what else Krome and the Everglades Correctional Center have? Infrastructure to support both the increased traffic and population. Unlike the new facility, this one would not have had to build sanitation infrastructure in the middle of a fragile ecosystem.

Plenty of room and existing infrastructure that supports a prison

But no, DeSantis and Trump want the publicity. They don’t care that lighting the Dade-Collier Training and Transition Airport up like a Christmas Tree will disturb animals at night.

They don’t care that one of the most endangered species in America is at more risk of extinction.

They don’t care about the traffic issues they are going to create.

They don’t care that the Miccosukee Tribe has objected to the new prison camp.

They don’t care that they are wasting millions of taxpayer dollars by refusing to use existing infrastructure.

They don’t care that putting people in prison camps without due process is equivalent to putting them in concentration camps.

They don’t care that Americans don’t want this.

They don’t care that people are dying.

They are not pro-life.

They are not Christians.

Ron DeSantis and Donald Trump are wretched human beings who care about their egos, power, and money. That’s it. That’s why they opened a Joe Arpaio-esque tent camp in the middle of the swamp. Also, they are so concerned with looking tough that nobody bothered to tell them that alligator-infested waters aren’t as scary as they think.

Are there alligator attacks in Florida? Yes. But generally, the animals leave people alone. This isn’t a Saturday morning cartoon where the alligators surrounding the castle protect the princess. It’s real life. And in real life, contrary to popular belief, people go into Florida waters with alligators all the time. Just look up the “YOINK!” kid on Instagram who is always sloshing through the Everglades, yoinking various critters and booping gators. Or speak to a native Floridian who spends their weekends jumping into alligator-infested lakes and rivers.

But Alligator Alcatraz sounds scary. Lol.

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